


Eight Kids Meet Up For An Anime Con And Ruin Each Other's Lives: A Homestuck Metafiction

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 17:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1826467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yet another HSWC 2014 fill for Bonus Round 3. The prompt?</p><p>Homestuck AU</p><p>No I mean it</p><p>AU where all the beta and alpha kids are homestucks (though the series is largely focused around hivebent) and go to cons and fan out about everything.</p><p>Everything else is up to you - what type of fan would they be? Who would be the cosplayer and who would be ironically part of the bucker-loving fandumb???</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eight Kids Meet Up For An Anime Con And Ruin Each Other's Lives: A Homestuck Metafiction

"Nyan Con! Guys!! It's Nyan Con! This weekend!" Jade Harley was beaming, and practically bouncing.

"Yes. That's why we're here." Dirk rolled his eyes, popping open a case and checking over his styling supplies once again.

"Yeah! But it's here! I'm excited! Aren't you excited???" Jade did have reason to be excited. After all, they had all come from all over the country for this con, saving up and making arrangements. Dirk even paid for their rooms for an extra night just to get there early. Mostly so he had time to set up his cosplays just so.

Jane sighed slightly. Jane Crocker was... not really all that excited. But she'd gotten tired of expressing her lack of enthusiasm. Hivebent... well... it was stupid. Really stupid. Goofy technology and evil empresses and an alien race that started insectoid but ended up humanoid, and it was all basically just nonsense. But, her friends liked it, and she did like hanging out with her friends. "Yay."

"Don't worry, Jade, I have aaaaaaaall the excitement. Like, if I were any more excited, I'd need a bucket. Extra-large." Dave sat on one of the beds, typing away on his laptop. "Guys, look. I took the part where Kanaya kicks Gamzee, and instead of sunglasses falling down, it's Tavros."

"Wait! When did Kanaya kick Gamzee?" John went wide-eyed, looking at Dave.

"Uh, in Act 5? You know, after he went gaperhouse squeakbeast?"

"Whaaaaat? Gamzee?! Oh my god! Dave, spoilers!"

"Jegus Christ, John! How are you not caught up yet? Hivebent has been on hiatus for like, what, half a sweep now?"

"Can you guys please just talk normal English?" Jane sighed. "Do any of our rooms even have a kitchen? If I'm baking the logo cake for you, I need an oven, obviously. I can't make a cake in a coffee maker. You're looking at getting a bunch of microwave mug cakes at this rate. Speaking of, I need to make a supermarket run, is anyone coming with me? Roxy?"

"Nah, I brought everything I need. Vodka, rum, tequila... if we really want to get rowdy! But I need to finish up my Eridan cosplay. Jaaaaake, I still wish you were being Nepeta! You'd be perfect!"

Dirk rolled his eyes. "Ugh, Nepeta."

"How can you be sooo into Equius and not like Nepeta?"

"Nepeta is a useless hanger-on, basically. Oh, look at me, I'm a cat. Shipping shipping shipping." Dirk pulled out a wig and began gently brushing it.

"Plus, you know I'm working on my Gamzee, Roxy. It's going to be smashing! Plus, you know I don't like EriNep."

"How can you not? Oh em gee, it's so perfect! Cats and wizards I mean, come on! So good!"

"She hates him in canon though..." Rose looked up from her laptop, curled up in the corner of the room.

"No! Gross! Red ship all the waaay! Eeeee, such babs!"

"No? No takers? Okay, be back later." And Jane was gone. She had shopping to do.

"Oh! Did I show you guys my fantroll? I think I'm going to cosplay her next con. Her name is Jhayde Harlee."

"Jade Harley? Really?" It wasn't just Dirk rolling his eyes and staring at her this time. It was most of the room.

"Ugh! No! Ja-hay-eed. Har-le-ee."

"So, Jade Harley. It's you."

"It's not me!" She held up a sketchbook, waving it in their direction before Dave reached over and grabbed the edge, stabilizing it.

"Is that a barkbeast lusus? Are her horns dog ears? Oh my god, Jade, you are such a furry, and so is that troll, because that troll is you."

"Maybe I inspired the character a little... or... a lot! But! But!!! I made you all OCs! They're really cool! I want to do this fic where it's like Hivebent but all of our OCs and I think it would be really cool! Like, Dave! You're--"

"Wait, is Jade a limeblood? Oh my god, you are Mary Sueing it all over the place here." He turned the page. "Is she holding a planet? Jade. Jade!"

"She went godtier, but she's her own sprite too, and her lusus is actually a guardian!"

"A what?"

"It means he's really powerful! Like Doc Scratch."

John looked up. "Who?"

Dave turned his attention to John. "John. John, please tell me you didn't skip the intermission."

"Pfft. Everyone skips the intermission. It's a stupid intermission. I mean, who cares about the Midnight Crew? They're not even real characters."

Everyone stared.

"Right?"

More staring happened.

"Oh, fuck!"

"You're such a casual." Rose sighed, resuming typing. "John, you have to stay in your hotel room until you finish catching up on Hivebent."

"For real." "True story." "Hell yeah!" The rest of the group seemingly agreed.

"Whatever. I've read enough. I mean, I'm playing Tavros. There's not that much there."

Dave smirked. "Did you get a hold of a wheelchair?"

"Dave, why would I need a... is this more spoilers!?"

"Read the comic, you nubhead!" Dave smirked.

"Do you guys want to hear about my AU or what?" Jade was met with a resounding cry of 'not really' and a smaller unified call of 'is there shipping?' Which caused the Lalondes to look at each other and then look away.

Dirk looked up from his work, currently straightening a third nearly identical wig. Each mannequin head was labeled. 'Equius,' 'Fancy Godtier Equius,' 'Club Equius,' and 'Human Equius.' Human Equius had a shade of hair roughly two shades lighter than the others. "Don't ship your friends. That's weird."

"But I ship a certain mister Dhirks Trider with one Jayeke Egliss. It's this really cool orange-blue romance, and it's kind of taboo, because, well you know! The hemospectrum!!" Jade was grinning.

"Ugh. Well, at least you made me blue."

"Ummmm..."

"Jake's blue?" Dirk almost dropped his wig, he was so scandalized. "I'm orange? Me? Jade, what the hell?" He motioned at all his heads. And that at his numerous Equius outfits in dry cleaner bags in his suitcase. "Jade!"

"Dirk, calm down. You know you aren't actually Equius, right?" Rose barely even looked up at him as she chastised him and sarcastically tried to calm him down.

"You know you're not actually going to get fucked by Gl'bgolyb, right?"

Oh, that got Rose's attention. She froze, fingers stopping on her keyboard. "What."

"We know about the fics."

"What."

"Hehe, yeah." John covered his mouth, trying to hold back more laughs, but failed miserably. "I can't believe you wrote Gibblegob slash Feferi fic! Ohhhh my gog!"

"What."

"Roxy sent it!" All eyes went to Roxy, who was staring in absolute horror at John.

"What. What!" Rose stood up after not-so-gingerly setting her laptop aside. "Roxy!"

"What?? I thought it was good! I was..."

"Drunk??"

"Well, maybe. A little! Come on, it was funny! And good, I mean! It was good! Not my cup of weird tentacle tea, but! I mean it's not like I showed them the folder or anything!!" Roxy made a defensive gesture.

"The folder?" Dave looked at Roxy, then at Rose.

"There's no folder! Roxy!" Rose's fists clenched at her sides.

Jade muttered under her breath. "And you guys give me shit for the furry thing."

Jake gave his cousin the ol' finger guns. "To be fair, Jade. This is a new development..."

"Guys, shut up, I think Rose is about to jump the shark and go full on murderclown here." Dave winced.

"What's a murder--"

"John!"

"Stop spoiling things!"

"Read the comic!"

"This isn't about me! This is about Rose's weird tentacle fetish!"

"Wait, Rose!" Jade hopped off the bed she was on and over to the one Rose was near, jostling the hell out of Dave. "Does this mean you used Rozlah Lonnde? I'm so excited! That's so cool!!!"

"Is she the violet-blood with the straight-back horns? Rosey! I didn't know that was your OC. Oh my god, I feel so weird now, stumbling across porn of fake troll you! Ew ew ew!"

"Oh my god you did use her!!!" Jade jostled Dave more as Roxy mumbled about pan bleach.

"I... can not... this. No. I'm. Done." Rose stormed off in a huff, slamming the door on her way out. And in an instant, John was lunging for her unattended laptop, only to be clotheslined by Dave.

"Oof..."

"No, that is a bad John. That is a very bad John."

"Uh, I should... go after her, I think." Roxy headed for the door to console Rose, after tracking her down.

"Check the airvents!" Dave called out after her, then sighed. "Jegus, John. Way to be a bulgedank."

"Dave. I am trying really hard not to punch the shit out of you, but can you please stop the references?"

"Hell no! Come on, if you can't appreciate a good Terezi Pyrope Presents the Justice and Video Game Related Adventures of Cool Citrusberry and Fuckass Lemonsnout then you can't even call yourself a fan."

"Chap, that comic is absolute fucking shit. How can you even stomach that? How can you even look at it? It's blinding." Jake and Dirk were apparently tag-teaming him on this argument. Of course, Dave, being Dave, responded with a mere tap on his sunglasses.

"Best part of Hivebent, hands down. Better than where the comic is actually going."

"I am going to have to scrum with you if you start trashing Gamzee again. You trash Gamzee, and you trash me. Nobody understands him, okay? His friends kind of laugh at him for being different and forgetting things and he just kind of is bullied and his relationships are a mess. And the guy he likes won't even give him the time of day usually, and when he asks him out, he just gets silence in return. So, he snaps. But it's not his fault. I mean, trolls are predisposed to violence, right? If he were human, well, I mean. I just relate to him is all."

"Did you even read the same comic as we did? Hey, Dirk, what do you think about this?" He opened a duffel bag, pulling out a big yellow dragon head made out of felt and foam. "My Bro helped whip this up. I'm cosplaying Fuckass Lemonsnout."

"Not with us you aren't. Dave, I will not be seen in any photos with that. When did you plan this? This week? Dave, I am a professional. Why do you think I even brought you all here? We're a cosplay group. I'm still mad we couldn't get the other four here and do the whole Alternia set. And you're not ruining things with some damn dragon costume. You're being Sollux."

"We're not some group. And you certainly aren't our leader, Dirk."

At that moment, the room door opened, Jane carrying several bags of groceries. "Can anyone tell me what the heck is going on? And why I walk into the goshdarn lobby and find Rose and Roxy crying and Roxy nursing a fucking nosebleed? I can't leave you alone for five minutes!"

"That's our leader, dude. Jane's like, our hot mom."

"Dave!" Jane went huge-eyed, cheeks going red.

"She doesn't even like Hivebent."

"Dude, I'm pretty sure half the fucking fandom doesn't even like Hivebent."


End file.
